.. the thing is... I probably shouldn't be saying this..."She stopped unbuttoning her blouse and waited. "Should I sit down? Do you need to sit down?" No, it's okay. Let's not make too big a thing of it. It wasn't easy— you know, setting this place up. Being here, thinking about it. Being at home, not able to see, all in my imagination. It had to be worth it." And that meant he had to be bigger and better than you?" Mmm, that's what I talked myself into. Was that crazy?"She hugged me again and with her arms around me she nuzzled my ear."Not crazy," she said, "but maybe you were making too big a thing of it. Maybe I just wanted a change, something different, something to convince myself I wasn't missing anything. Does that make any sense at all?"I had no idea what to say. Ellen looked at me, kissed me and then stepped back.“You look exhausted. I think I got more sleep than you did. I’ve had an idea. Why don’t you have a nap for an hour or two. I want to get you a present. I should have. I want you to pinch me. I want you to reassure me that all of this is real. I want you.I try to reach for you, but in the moonlight you give me a look. I put my hand back above my head, as if they were tied; and aren’t they? You’re mesmerizing in more ways than one. You throw the blanket over both our heads--what now?Your shirt comes off; I can’t see it, but I can hear and feel the rustle. You rest your chest on mine, and I feel the bare skin melt into me. Breasts softer than clouds, but nipples harder than diamond. The sharpness of our chests cut each other just as your hands roam the canvas of my skin.I never thought I would feel okay shirtless, much less that I could show my chest to others. I never thought I, too, would have the clouds upon my chest. It always confused me when other women saw breasts as shackles. For me, they feel like wings.You tease me again, leaning in as if to give me a kiss, but this time I can’t stop myself. I pull my hands down and bury them in your hair,.
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